In your married life, there are probably very few times when you are watching your husband's behavior like you may be when he tells you that he wants a divorce (and then seems to be wavering on this.) This can be especially true if you are still invested in your marriage. It would be one thing if he would announce the divorce, file for it, and then move out so that his intentions were very clear. But this is not always the case. Some husbands make the announcement, do nothing, or then even appear to change this minds. This leaves the wife very confused about what her husband is thinking, what might happen in the future, and how she should respond moving forward.
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She might explain: "three months ago, my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I had no doubt about his sincerity. We have been unhappy for quite some time, (although I was really hoping that we could work things out.) However, I expected him to take a relatively slow pace because our finances are so tricky right now. I honestly think that our finances are one reason why it took him so long to decide on a divorce. Having two houses to support is going to be difficult. So I honestly did not expect for him to move out right away. And he didn't. I basically tried to get along with him as best as I could and I just waited for the day to come when he either told me that he was moving out or when he presented me with divorce papers. Last week, my mother very unexpectedly invited me to take an international trip next year. She said it was her gift to me. She also invited my husband. Although I didn't tell her about the divorce at the time, I assumed that I would be going alone. When I mentioned this to my husband, he acted excited about the trip. I told him that I assumed that the two of us would be divorced by then, so that he wouldn't be accompanying me. His response was 'oh, I've changed my mind about the divorce. Why do you think I haven't mentioned it in months?' I am shocked. I thought he hadn't mentioned it because of money. I had no idea that he had changed his mind and I'm a little unsure about this. Why would a man suddenly not want a divorce anymore?"
The person best poised to explain your husband's reasoning is your husband himself. But if he's either not willing or able to explain, I certainly have some theories, which I will discuss below.
He May Have Realized That A Divorce Will Not Solve His Problems: When you are dealing with a high level of stress or a New Haven Divorce Lawyer crisis situation, you can sometimes fantasize that a divorce is going to be just the thing that you need to escape the harsh reality of your life. You might tell yourself that if you can just cast off your tired, old marriage which is holding you back, then you might finally be free to start a new, and better, life.
But then, the reality of life hits you. Much of the time, as soon as someone actually goes and looks at apartments or talks to a divorce lawyer, the whole thing suddenly becomes very real. And the person seeking the divorce may realize that divorcing their spouse isn't going to fix what is missing from their lives or what is broken inside of them.
In this particular case, your husband might have realized that a divorce would only increase the financial stress in his life rather than relieve it. He may have realized that in actuality, the marriage can be a release from the financial stress rather than the cause of it.
He May Have Seen Positive And Encouraging Changes: The wife mentioned that during the last three months, she had made a conscious effort to get along with her husband in a more positive way. This may have mattered a great deal to her husband and he may be encouraged to see that, with a little effort, they are able to interact in a new, more pleasing way. Sometimes that is all it takes. Often, a husband wants a divorce only when he starts to believe that things are never going to change. When he sees that they he may, in fact, have been wrong about that, then he's willing to change his tune regarding the divorce.
He May Have Been Blowing Smoke About The Divorce All Along: Some husbands mention the D word because they know that it is going to get the most impact and be the most likely thing that will get your attention. Deep down, they don't really want a divorce, even though they themselves may not even realize it at the time. So when you give them what they want - more attention to whatever problem they are trying to solve, - then there is no longer any reason to blow smoke about the divorce.
Getting a divorce is a very upsetting and negative thing. Not only does it affect the couple but also the people around them, such as children. There is such a thing as a family attorney. They can help you to figure out what is best for your family. There is also a child support attorney. Even though things did not work out for the parents or the couple, it does not mean that the kids should suffer because of it.
The worst part of a divorce can be the effect it has on the children involved. Having parents part ways can be a very difficult thing for a young person to have to deal with. It is hard to change your entire life so quickly by having two homes and basically two of everything. It is definitely something that takes a while and quite a bit of effort to become used to. It is crucial that everything is done so that the kid(s) will still have a normal life for themselves. Just because you could not work it out with each other does not mean that the kids should have to suffer the way you may be, it was not their fault nor should you make it seem that way.
One thing that usually has a positive outcome is therapy for the family as a whole. The parents may not be able to get along but there is no reason they should not try to be civil in front of the kids. They will most likely need someone to talk to and with the bias each parent might have it is important that they have someone that is new to the situation to talk to. That way the therapist can give an unbiased conversation and advice to the kids that may need it.
You will need to hire a professional to assist you, whether just one for divorce or one for the family, it is up to you. It is a difficult task to split everything evenly in a divorce. There are so many things that need to be divided and usually it causes arguments between the two people and it can end up being a disaster so it is a good idea to get legal help. Having someone to make sure things are under control is nice, some people only have one and sometimes each parent will get their own legal advisor.
The only problem that you may have is therapy and a lawyer can add up in price very quickly. Going through a divorce is not cheap and if it can be avoided it should be. It is not a good thing to go through under any circumstances; it is difficult, stressful, and time consuming. Some people are not able to afford going through with a divorce and they have to resort to legally separating to save money. Divorce can tear apart a family, it is recommended to do everything you can to save your marriage before you finally come to the decision to file for a divorce. It should most definitely be your last option.